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Fallin’ …. scream STOP

37 days until Haiti.
Right now I feel like the Alicia Keys song Fallen’, she sings about falling in and out of love with someone. I seem to be falling in and out of love with this trip to Haiti. I think it is all that is going and and happening differently this time. I am taking a 5 yr old to Haiti for 25 days! It is possible I am insane to be taking him! The fund raiser for the new business is not going well and that is VERY stressful! The guys (my Haitians friends that are staying with us) are feeling in a pinch, it is harder to find work here right now and they need money for when they return and to purchase items here that they need to bring home. My plate is full, to full and it is really getting to me. I just want to scream STOP, forget it, no more! It is so hard to have big plans that just seem not to come together the way you had hoped, plans that will affect so many. You feel the weight of that on your shoulders, the fear of not succeeding settles into your brain, into your heart, and weighs on your mind.
The trip it self, I can’t wait. For the first time I am going to “play” tourist. I am going to go see the Haitian Citidel, the Sodu, and go to a resort for the day (a resort that welcome Haitians), and with any luck spend a day in Port Au Prince. The only parts of Port Au Prince I have seen have been to and from the airport, interesting, exciting, but I long to see more. I look forward to doing these things, seeing friends, and returning to the country I love. Will it be all fun and games, without a doubt, NO. There will be times of frustration when I am feeling left out because my Creole still isn’t what it should be. Times of anger at myself because I can’t find ways to do more for my friends. Certainly times where I will want to step into a “regular bathroom” and use a toilet that flushes or a shower that puts water on me, rather than my doing so with a cup. Will these minor details ever stop me from going, absolutely not! To be with my Haitian family, to experience again the hustle and bussle of the market place, and to be cooled my the wind while on the motorcycle, I wouldn’t pass them up for anything!

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